mutant sock puppets
Last month, we were at a friend's wedding. After the ceremony and before the reception, the bride's brother hosted a casual garden party. Sitting around in the yard and chatting with friends from school, the topic of toe socks somehow came up.
My friend Jonn happened to be wearing a pair and began signing their praises. He listed all the reasons why toe socks were better than regular socks. And then he took off his shoe to show us how free his toes were able to move independently of one another. We all cringed. There's something about toe socks that is fundamentally... uncomfortable.
I don't mind seeing bare feet, but socks that enable each toe to wiggle on its own make me wrinkle my nose. Thankfully, socked feet are largely contained within shoes so I can largely ignore the existence of toe socks. Also, I sense that I'm not alone in my views regarding toe socks so I don't think I need to worry about conventional socks being completely replaced by toe socks. And, as a result, cute sock puppets need not worry about becoming scary-looking mutants.
Once Jonn revealed his freely wiggling socked toes, Kevin brought up the emergence of Five Fingers, a new line of shoes by Vibram that transfer the principle behind toe socks to the realm of footwear. More cringing.
Kevin has been interested in Five Fingers since he was made aware of their existence and, since then, I've been staunchly against them. I have even threatened not to be seen in public with him if he decided to buy a pair and wear them on the street. Unlike toe socks, toe shoes cannot be ignored - one cannot wear Five Fingers discretely or secretly. They're right out there.
In my mind, Five Fingers make the Birkenstock-sock combo fashionable (assuming that the socks are conventional socks and not toe socks). Even if Five Fingers are superior to normal shoes from an orthopaedic perspective, any benefits are overshadowed by their absolute hideousness. I know that my repulsion to toe socks and Five Fingers is completely irrational. My sense of aesthetic rarely trumps practical considerations, but my aversion to feet in gloves is an instance where aesthetics take precedence.
